A bundle of nerves

Hey, YOU! 

You didn't enter my giveaway yet, did you?  

Well head over there and get on it!

Today was a tough day for me.  Really easy at school, left super early because I needed to run some errands, didn't have a ton of work by the grace of God. See, look what I bought at Trader Joe's!! It was a lot of quick and easy foods, because I knew I wouldn't have time to make meals this week.

Regardless, I was a bundle of nerves throughout the day and couldn't shake the feeling. The only thing that helped was that as soon as I got home I literally cried into Chris's shirt (with Chris being in said shirt).  There was ABSOLUTELY no reason for it. Nothing set me off, I just carried this weight in my chest the entire day. Thankfully, that emotional outburst did the trick and I feel better now.

(Oh, you know. Just a little Natalie Dee humor to make the world go round.)

I forced myself to head to the gym and rewarded myself with some TJ's sushi.  I went with Trader Joe's instead of a local sushi place because I had a hankering for raw fish, yet didn't want to indulge in as many calories. Good thinking, Lauren. Anyway, I did a HIIT workout, for everyone's favorite workout of the week: Speed Work Tuesday.  It was pretty much the same cycle as the last few Speed Workout Tuesdays. However, because running felt so difficult for some reason, I broke up my time at the gym into three parts:

HIIT 1. Run at 7.3 mph for 1 mile,
               .5 mile 8.0,
               .5 mile, 7.5,
               .5 mile, 8.1

STOP. Took some time to do a weight circuit, including some kettlebells.

HIIT 2. Run at 7.5 mph for .5 mile,

                         .5 at 8.1 mph,

                         .5 at 7.5 mph,

                         Cool down mile at 7.4, for a total of 5 miles at approximately an 8:00 overall pace.

PHEW!  It took a lot to get me through that workout, but its done.  I honestly can say that knowing that I had committed to the run only yesterday and complaining that I never get in a perfect training week was the motivation I needed to get the job done.

Thank you all for holding me accountable. You rock.

Let's Chat:

Did any of you do Speed work today?

Does the cold weather make your anxiety feel worse?  

Here is an article about how cold weather can increase and worsen symptoms of anxiety in some people. I totally TOTALLY believe it. I bet you anything it has to do with the tightness of the air (from what the article suggests) making it hard to breath and fully expand our lungs, causing those predisposed to anxiety, to feel a little panicky.

And on a lighter note, are any of you allergic to cats? 
I am...can't even touch them. I have to pet my parents' cat with my elbow and/or foot. Dogs for life!

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

(Not my chest)

Today I wanted to share my experience with the book, "Daring Greatly" by Brene´ Brown, Ph.D. Dr. Brown suggests that when we embrace what makes us vulnerable, we are able to become our best selves and that shame, comparison, and disengagement ultimately make it impossible to achieve what we set out to do. This is because we never embrace a talent or skill because we are afraid of what people think, we compare ourselves too frequently to others which holds us back from expressing ourselves, or we allow ourselves to disengage from what we love because of what we fear.

One of my favorite moments in the book is when Dr. Brown learned about joy and light from the people who have spent time in "sorrow and darkness". She suggests:

1. "That joy comes to us in moments-ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."

2. "Be grateful for what you have."

3. "Don't squander joy". She states, "But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give into those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope".

It is in our vulnerabilities, strengths, weaknesses, wounds, and experiences that allow us to either feel the shame of our scars, or embrace what they have taught us and allow us to move forward.  In a comparison to the book, "The Velveteen Rabbit", Dr. Brown suggests that those of us who acknowledge that the difficult moments, those that make us struggle, or cry, or feel, those moments, when embraced, allow us to experience joy wholeheartedly.

Throughout the book, Dr. Brown gives us examples and strategies in order to embrace these moments and to live life fully. We are to give in to feelings, but not to the point that it becomes counterproductive or halts our growth. In the final chapters, Dr. Brown goes on to suggest that if we are to become wholehearted, then we need to instill these practices in ourselves and in our children.  She writes,

1. Engage with the world from a place of worthiness.
2. Embrace vulnerabilities and imperfections.
3. Feel a deep sense of love and compassion for self and others.
4. Value hard work, perseverance, and respect.
5. Carry a sense of authenticity and belonging with you, rather than searching for it in external places.
6. Have the courage to be imperfect, vulnerable, and creative.
7. Don't fear feeling ashamed or unlovable if you are different or struggling.
8. Move through our rapidly changing world with courage and a resilient spirit.

I highly recommend this book, as it has sparked the beginning of my own self acceptance, to be less afraid when I want to accomplish something out of my comfort zone, and to go beyond what I believe I am able to accomplish.

To hear more from Brene´ Brown, watch her Houston TedX talk below:



Just remember, above all else...a little lighthearted humor:

Let's Chat:

Have you ever dared greatly?

Pharrell Williams - Happy

Did you miss me, fuelbelt?

Listen.  I ain't no fool.  I know that six miles doesn't require a fuelbelt.  But, like I said.  I ain't no fool.  I know myself and the temperature and I knew that my six mile walk/run fail would have never gotten off the ground without some sun protection and hydration.  Come on September. (And by the way, there was NO way it was cloudy.)

 

Ooo reflectors!

After gearing up, I headed out the door for the longest long run I have run in two months. 31, err 6 miles.

Yup, you heard me correctly, I haven't run more than 6 miles at a time in 2 months.  Heck, I probably haven't run 6 miles in a week in the last month.  I told you I was on an emotional injury fueled by summer and love. hahah.  I know its bad, but guess what. I got out there and I'm proud of myself.

Well, half disappointed, half proud.  I'm glad I tackled it, I'm sad that I had to take it at a run/walk formation lasting about 60 minutes.  Sure when I ran was fast, but when I walked, it really balanced out those averages. And I walked a lot. Pffft.

 

I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter to anyone else but me, but I know you readers; I know you well.  You love fast and you love furious.  So I vow to you, that I will get myself back in this game.  I don't want to look like this anymore after the 5 mile mark...

 

And props to all my readers that have recently messaged me about their injuries. You are all champs.  This runs for you.

My goal is to get in 20 miles this week.  That's running 5 miles, 4 times, or a combination of a million things, like running 14 miles my next run, or like... 6 today then 6, then 6, then 2.  But 20 it is for week 1 back into running. I don't want injuries, I don't want a superstar run schedule, I just want to balance my brain and my body.

Can you help me reach my goal by sending a little motivation my way?  Pwease?

This little piggy went for a run

I am simply implying that I've not been a red sox runner, after all.  Fan or runner.  Back in the day I was running 30 miles a week (thanks to marathon training) and now I'm just barely running ten.
That might shock some of you, but I've enjoyed the time off.  So let me take you back to the start.

Or this morning.

Anyway, I realize I have been a bum all summer and I was debating on blogging about this topic because I was somewhat embarrassed that I went from running like this...

 

Happy Lauren on a treadmill...

to this.

Moreover, I was amazed at who really cared...or actually, why I thought that the blogging community actually cared if I decided to take the summer off from running.  Its really the only group of people that I fear would have judged me.

That was until I read a post about "why blogging could be bad for your health, or at least your sanity" at Health, Happiness, and Skinny Jeans. 

So Samantha basically made me feel better for taking the last couple of months off from not only blogging, but from training and running in general.  Honestly, after that marathon, my tank was full...but full of tiredness.

It was a tough, tough year at school and with all that running, and training, and thinking, and fitness, i felt drained.  Not to mention I was traveling all over and developing relationships, which I found to be much more important to my life than telling you what I ate and how I ran.

Although I secretly enjoyed the five pound weight loss this summer from eating nachos everyday, and only using kayaking and camping as forms of exercise, I realized things had taken a turn for the worst when 1. I became winded when walking up a hill which is something I used to pride myself in...as I NEVER got winded.  And 2. School started again and I need to feel sane.  I also need the energy back from the lack of sleep and the headaches that ensue after a long day of school psychologizing.

So tonight, I was back with a 3.5 mile run and it was glorious.  Well, half glorious as I also noticed that my lung capacity was null and void.

I will say though, I did miss seeing these views on my runs around the Harbor walk.

Boston, you're my home.  And if you've ever been to a win of a Sox game, you get to hear that as you're dancing in the bleachers.

Welcome back to running!

Attention Female Runners

I've not been home the last few days and am about to embark on one last New York trip this summer.  Off to Yankees Stadium!  I swear I'm not cheating on the Red Sox.... but its a family tradition to go. 

I decided to write this short post because of the inspirational photo I saw on facebook from Will Run for Margaritas aka I run like a girl.  I loved its message (even with the spelling errors). I have to remember that I'm married to running; in sickness and in health, til death do us part.  Running makes me feel stronger, improves my confidence, and reaffirms that my most important relationship is always going to be with myself.

Remember this when you feel tired, rejected, hurt, embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, or defeated.  Running keeps you in the moment with yourself.

Enjoy all of your weekends and I'll be back to post on Sunday!

Races and Remembering

Well I'm about to do again folks.  I've signed up for my third half marathon in the last year....making that one 5k (Boston Jolly Jaunt), one 5-miler (Harpoon Brewery 5 Miler), two Chilly Half Marathons, one Baystate Half Marathon (come October!) and one full marathon (San Diego Rock n' Roll) all in 365 days.  Plus a wednesday consisting of a 30 minute tempo run.  Wait. That's today.

So the newest addition to my race total is the Chilly Half Marathon in Newton, MA.  Interested?  Sign up HERE.

I'm trying to get my good friend Olivia, from Diablog, to do it with me.  She was a former roomie and now a bestie.  She is just getting into running so I thought maybe this would be nice to get the race started together!! C'mon Boliv!!!

The 2010 race was my first ever long road race (I had done a handful of 5k and 10k races previously) and marked my inaugural stint into the world of running!  Finishing faster than 2 hours made me feel like I really did belong in the running world.

Reading Jess of Blonde Ponytail's latest post (Planting my "Running Seed") got me thinking. Since it'll be one year ago that I started really running and training, I thought it might serve as a nice reminder as to why I signed up do this first race, and take a walk down memory lane. (Thanks Jess! I hope you don't mind that I dovetailed your post with my own ramblings!!).

Running was a saving grace for me. I'm not sure if I'll ever do it enough justice, or thank the sport enough for helping me work through some difficult feelings and frustrations. My own "running seed" was planted when I decided enough was enough; that I wanted to focus on me instead of the life I didn't think I would ever have or giving too much of myself to people who didn't appreciate all I had to give.  Maybe I'm skirting around the issue and not speaking directly about it (I do work in the public schools) but I felt a lot of hurts and was tired of letting other people dictate my self esteem.

So in August of 2010, I started running and I didn't stop. I wasn't sure how I would feel after that marathon (and a missing toenail later...by the way it did finally fall off). It was a lot of dedication, and a lot of solo me time, regardless of the fact that I ran in a pack of beautiful women. I had to keep myself involved and motivated...I had to push myself to run when I didn't want to i.e. stressed, tired, and overworked. I had to stay in on friday nights and get up early saturday mornings. I vowed to not date anyone until after it was over (oops. best mistake ever.) although I'm guessing that focusing on myself and my fun helped in ways I will never understand but will always be grateful for.

Now that I've taken some time to sleep, lay low, travel, run on my own agenda, and enjoy my friends/family, I feel myself getting back on that running horse and doing it all over again.

While journaling my own adventures, I've been amazed at how many people have started their own running stories, or have been inspired to at least incorporate healthy eating and fitness into their lifestyles.  In no way am I bragging, but its felt good to set off a little fire underneath some people's butt's...from my family...to friends...to ex's... to current boyfriends (if you read this, you know its true, ha!). 

Hopefully I have a lifetime of miles to run. And if for some reason I don't, at least I know how I got there, and will continue to use those thoughts to keep me motivated and healthy in other aspects of my life.

I also wish for tight abs...so lets see if I can use my positive thinking to will those as well. Eh I can't be serious all the time. It hurts me brain!

  

(Forever and always my biggest supporters. Obviously go mom go is a big one as well.)

Little meltdown of love and experimental tuesday

FYI- Donations for team in training close tomorrow at 5 p.m.  If you want to donate...now is your chance!!

Ya anyway, I have been having a bit of a meltdown lately about all this tapering.  Sure, I'm running just as long in just as many days, but the intensity of the runs has significantly died down.  I have also been a little bit more....emotional....then in the last couple of weeks. TO TOP IT ALL OFF, my birthday is on Friday and it's not even something I'm thinking about.

WHO AM I???

I am Lauren.  And I am tapering.  I have taper madness.
Weight gain, Tearfulness, Melancholy, Low Energy, Fatigue, ADHD, High Energy, Bird Poop.

I emailed Becca about what was going on with me, and this was some of her response.

Hey Lauren!!

That's why I started sending out my pre-marathon emotional emails, because it is SO SO SO common. It's a hell of a journey, but honestly, nothing in the world (except having a child) compares to crossing the finish line in a MARATHON.. Think about the fact that TWO (as in 1.. 2..) of the population will EVER run a marathon!!! Here is another article I have, I cut and pasted the most important parts!

Preparing to run a marathon not only requires physical preparation but also an emotional and spiritual preparation. Marathon preparation occurs over many months with the anticipation of running a  specific marathon in one particular city.  For beginning runners, understanding the process in which beginners prepare for marathons both physically and mentally, will ensure a more smooth transition and guaranteed success at passing through the marathon finish line.

Beyond physical training, the beginning runner will endure emotional and mental preparation prior to a marathon. While for most runners, the goal is not to win the race but, instead, to simply finish.   Especially during the first marathon, the runner will undergo a transformation, both spiritually and mentally, as they experience the achievement of a goal which few are able to a achieve.  Working the body into a state in which endurance, over a long period, is appreciated while maintaining mental awareness. This is most often attributed to imbalance of hormones.

It is normal to experience intense emotions before a marathon. Many athletes feel very anxious and most feel some degree of anxiety. Anxiety can be related to inadequate race preparation.However, they should try to interpret these feelings to mean that they are excited; marathon are by its very nature uncertain, and even the most confident athletes still have a degree of anticipation regarding how things will turn out. It is possible to feel anxious but to interpret these feelings in a motivational way as being ready to perform. Anxiety can be a good thing!! Lauren- you are READY!

She's right.  I'm ready.  I have to keep telling myself that.  Plus, I really have the best cheerleaders ever...those new and old!  If you have tips, I welcome any and all to get me through these next two weeks!!

I decided to go out today to see what it felt like to do an easy run.  About 5.5 miles with a little walking sprinkled about.  My hamstrings were feeling a little bomb from that Frog Jump workout on Toneitup.com

First, let's look at me taking pics of me with my Iphone.  First, here is moi pre-run.  Idk why it's red up in here.

 

Ya, I know I know, I shouldn't be complaining, but I've never felt confident about me body, especially my stomach...and the last few days I've felt like a hellaphant.

Then...after 5.5 miles in the heat and sunshine.  I looked like this:

 

After a beautious run, and some smart eating today (Green Monster Smoothie for breakfast, tortellini with chicken sausage, goat cheese, broccoli, and butternut squash for lunch, almonds and an orange for snack) because I cried so much last night, I tried out my EXPERIMENTAL TUESDAY SMOOTHIE!

Not sure how I really felt about it...the broccoli kind of reminded me of almond butter when all was said and done...but it included:

3 strawberries

1 handful of broccoli

3 chunks of frozen mango

several blackberries

1 orange

1 cup of almond milk

tiny splash of strawberry crystal light

I know it's interesting, I know its good...but this run and experimental tuesday, along with some sweet texts and trying to focus on my birthday first...has really helped me to focus on the important things.  Like, my awesome life!

Anxiety is a motha lova

Anxiety. I live it. I love it.  Well, I don't really love it.  Let me explain.

I got this email from my coach, Becca, today.  We are about to hit the 20-miler, the biggest indicator of our fitness level and training successes for the marathon.  It reads:

OK!! So I hope you are getting plenty of rest and drinking LOTS (of WATER) in preparation for this week-end long run!! I found this article for you in Runners World!  Without a doubt the longest run is one of the most important parts of your overall training cycle. For months you have been building your running fitness with the goal of completing the long runs that will ultimately get you across the finish!

Tip #1: Getting Started

Don't think about the long run itself; focus instead on simply getting ready for a run. After all, getting ready to run is easy -- the concept of running 20 miles isn't. In order to do a run all you need is your shoes, your gear and maybe a watch. Done. 
 

By breaking the longer run down into "just another run," you are effectively removing the mental obstacle 20 miles. And once you get your momentum going it will be much easier to carry that outside the door. (Lauren- you said it yourself last week- this isn't bad!!!)

Another way to help pave the way for your success by doing as much prep work the night before your long run. This could be as simple as organizing your running clothes or as in-depth as laying out your nutrition, a route map and compiling a special play list. Whatever you need, get it done before you go to bed and eliminate all those early morning excuses.

Tip #2: Get Halfway There

This is one of my personal favorite tips, and it's by far the simplest. Don't think about having to run an arduous 20 mile effort. Instead just focus on getting to the 10-mile mark. All you have to do then is get back home!  Seriously though, this approach also gives you the opportunity to planning for the second half of your run, (NEGATIVE SPLITS- what I talk about EVERY week!) where things will get more challenging. By thinking of it as two distinct parts, you'll be 100 percent ready to have a solid overall experience.

Conclusion

Running long isn't always as fun and as sexy as the commercials might make it out to be. But nothing beats the feeling of having done a particularly challenging run and being just that much closer to your race, and ALL of you know what I am talking about. 

I am SO proud of you!! You really are SO close to your marathon and you all working SO hard!!!!! Let me know if you have ANY questions, concerns, etc!!! Keep on keepin on!!!

Becca is the best.  However, I immediately emailed her because I think as I have progressed in my training, I have regressed in my ability.  I asked Becca if she thought she knew what pace I should be looking at, why my teammates seem to be moving light years ahead of me...and then it dawned on me that I seriously need to take a step back and reevaluate.

First off, why the heck am I complaining?!?!?!?!  Seriously, I know I can finish this marathon and its my FIRST ONE.  Why am I becoming so obsessed with timing?  I need to learn how to pace myself first, learning what its like to run the 26.2 before I start tacking on some time goals.  I only set myself up for disappointment that way.

Secondly, I haven't been following the training plan to a T.  There are excuses I could make for why I have and have not been able to follow it as closely as my running team.  I am no more busy than anyone else, yet seem to have allowed myself to let the stress of work, the anxiety I feel from my deadlines, and the tiredness I drag with me everyday getting in the way of giving this 100%.  I bet if I thought about it, both in following the plan, developing my core, and with pushing myself during speedwork and tempo runs, I bet I have been giving it only 68%.  Its like I'm one of my little 7th grade boys with ADHD; I think that by doing two homeworks all school year I should be getting an A because I put in hard work into those two assignments, when in fact, I'm missing about 30 assignments in the meantime.  Its like I have no clue!

Thirdly, I also want to reevaluate what a training schedule could like with more time and less stress.  I also need to evaluate what's more important to me.  Is it my job?  Is it my friends?  Is it running?  Is it a balance of all three?  Do I need to complete marathons to feel accomplished?  While I know that I am proud of myself for having taken on this challenge as it came during a time in my life where I needed to take this time for myself, do I need to make this a part of the rest of my life?  Yes, fitness, but marathon training?  I won't know until I cross the finish line.

Lastly, I'm really hard on myself.  Plain and simple.  I expect a lot from me and I'm the last one to give myself a break. I think everyone in my life can attest to that.

So, as I get ready for the rest of my evening, having just completed a tempo run (1 mile at 8:34 min/mile pace, 4 miles at 8:10 min/mile pace, then 1 more mile at 9 minute pace) I should be proud of myself for the work I have put in.  I also have found a way to work hard, play hard, and train.  Still, at times it never feels good enough, fast enough, strong enough, or hard enough.
                                                                                                                                                                 
Any of you ever feel like this?  Does the anxiety of training make it almost impossible to enjoy?  How do you fit fitness into your lifestyle?

(Here is a picture from this past weekend, and what made it so difficult to blog.  After a sunday funday softball game, it was time to BBQ and hit pinatas on a very very very chilly May Day.)

A rainy saturday run

16 miles today.  In the rain.  I even wore a hat because I needed to keep the rain out of my eyes, which is something I never do.  Props to the Brooks Clover hat, because it totally represents the Irish center of Boston; Southie!

Also, I hate to say it, but I ran like my legs were tree trunks, but the rest of my running team kicked BUTT! I literally ran 1 minute per mile slower than I normally do.  My average pace per mile today was 9:17.  Blah.  I normally can run a strong 8:15-8:30.  Now, for some of you, that's a downright respectable time, especially when running a long run in the rain.  But, for me, I was thoroughly bummed out.  Yes, I PR'd in distance today, as I have never run 16 miles before, but time wise, it was a wash out.

Becca even had this to say in an email after our run:

I wanted to tell you, on your long(er) runs forget about your watch! Focus on how you are feeling! You want to finish these runs feeling great, like you did today, even in nonsense weather!! Once you continuously finish feeling strong, we will incorporate the watch in and show you how to run negative splits! You can still run with your watch, (for distance and knowing what mile you are at, but really don't get hung up in your times on distance runs!) The point of these long runs is to work hard, and leave some in the tank, where you know you can keep going if you need to!

She's right, because I did finish that run feeling completely fine.  My lungs weren't tight, I didn't feel like I needed to lay down and die, and I just ran right to the recovery snacks needing to stretch out my hamstrings.  But I was still frustrated!

I know (not for health or beauty standards) that to improve my time, I need to lose some weight.  I'm fully aware of this, but its hard when I'm at my "happy weight" outside of the world of running.  I feel comfortable and confident in my skin and for the first time in my 27 years, I haven't uttered the words "I need to lose weight" when looking at the mirror.  What a huge accomplishment for me.  However, in the world of running, I need to lose some weight to improve speed.  Running longer distances, and for longer amounts of time will also help.  I should also not forget to do my speedwork on tuesdays.  There are lots of training habits and commitments that need to happen prior to running a marathon.

What I realized today is that more than half of this game is mental.  I got into my head the moment I took my first step.  I wanted to stop within the first three miles but thank god for my running team, that I never actually let that happen.  Throughout this morning, as difficult as it was to get through the first 8 miles, then back the next 8, I realized I really love this challenge.  I love getting up saturday mornings for these runs, even if my brain hit a cement wall.  I love knowing that I'm pushing myself and giving it everything I have.  As an adult, especially one who isn't hitting the "typical" milestones like many of her peers, you need to find other things that motivate you; other mile makers (literally) that take time, patience, dedication, and commitment to get to the end and feel satisfied by.

But what worries me just a tad, is how I've used this training to really get my mind focus on other things in life, and replaced some hurt feelings with running.  WHICH is totally awesome and healthy, but I need to come up with a plan for myself when I'm not hyperfocused on my training 24/7.  Literally, I eat, sleep, breath, and blog about running.  Its really all I think about lately, which I am totally excited by.  I feel welcomed into a happy and healthy peace-minded and goal oriented cult of awesomeness.  However, I noticed, lately, that a lot of my conversations are focused on running, and I keep planning for what comes next.  What happens after I run this marathon, that I never thought I would ever ever accomplish in my lifetime.  Will I sign up for another one?  Will I join a running team not associated with Team in Training?  Will I find something else to push myself to do?

I'm not sure I know...at least...for right now.  And I guess I have to be ok with this, and be ok with loving this thing called running, and be ok with loving that I ran 16 miles, whether they be the fastest 16 miles in the history of mankind, or the slowest ones to boot.  Either way, I need to appreciate what this training has done for me, and love it for its ups and downs.  Because after this, I can never tell myself I can't do anything, in life or in exercise.  How can I complain about the rain ever again, when I just rain 16 miles in it?  How can it ever be too cold, or too late to exercise?  How can I ever tell myself that I can't accomplish something, because I know, that even if my brain wants me to stop, I will finish it.  Isn't that awesome?

So cheers to a slow 16 miler, because even when I thought I couldn't do it, I could.  Cheers to getting up on saturdays and going to bed early on fridays.  And super 100x awesomer cheers to my running team this morning for killing it out there.  They have really improved in speed and endurance and I couldn't be more proud! And cheers to me for training for a marathon.

Boston Marathon weekend recap

What a weekend!  I have been going nonstop since september er, um friday, and its all because of the wonderful events that have taken part in the beautiful city of Boston!  First off, I ran 10 miles with Kristy on Friday, which went well, but could have gone better if I had stuck to my night before my long run routine.  It was hard to get myself to run fast and not stop.  Either way, once I got back, I had a little time to email companies asking for donation requests to my fundraising party.  So far, Trader Joe's and J. P. Licks, the best ice cream store in the WORLD, have signed up to say OK!  I babysat for the rest of the evening, then got back with very little time to sleep, only to get up for the Boston Athletic Association (B.A.A) relay race challenge! (Also, please excuse the fact that I have very few pictures.  It was sometimes too awkward or too dark to take them....and then my camera died during the marathon, grrrr!)

We arrived with our team of kiddos ready to take charge!  It was a cold morning down at the finish line of the marathon, but I knew that the kids would make me proud and boy oh boy did they!  In each race we finished in 2nd or 3rd (out of 14 teams) and placed 3rd overall in our Mile Challenge relay team.  The kids were so happy with themselves because each year they get better, faster, and stronger!  They also won a medal and a Boston Marathon backpack...as well as a sweet 3rd place trophy to take back to school!  Look how proud I am of my little ducklings!

 

That evening, I got dinner with the girls from grad school, at the new restaurant Lolita.  That place had great food, but it was too dark to take pictures because it was housed in a Vampire cave off of Newbury street.  Well, that's what the decor looked like at least!

The next day, I woke up to run 5 miles, clean my room, and then attend the Boston Marathon Expo at the Hynes Convention Center.  I bought myself a clif bar and shot blocks for my next long run.  The Expo just made me excited for the big event that was about to unfold the next day!

The next morning I got up super early to get down to the finish line of the Marathon in order to snag a stellar spot with my teammates, Leigh and Stef.  Although I may or may not have forgotten to make a sign for my coaches, Becca and Scott, there was a Walgreens close by so I went there and bought poster board and markers.  I then proceeded to make a fancy sign in the middle of the sidewalk. 

 

Sadly, its at this point that my camera died.  However, I did get a sweet shot of Caroline Kilel, the winner of the female division of the Boston Marathon. 

 

I was also able to take a picture of Kara Goucher, who is my ultimate running heroine.  She placed 5th but she beat her time when she placed 3rd, and she just had a baby 7 MONTHS AGO! I don't look that good or fast before, after, ever, when I'm dead.  And she had a baby then killed it in Boston.  Pffft.

Next is an attempt to take a picture of Skinny Runner because I felt like I was seeing a celebrity run by, but instead I got this picture:

and then. my camera died.  Bahhh. That was sad.

I saw EMZ the superhuman woman of running go by as well, but she was too fast for me to get my cracked out camera to do anything but say goodbye.  That woman is amazing, p.s.  Check out her blog.

I continued the rest of the day by meeting up with Cecilia Bunny.  We stayed out until about 7 o'clock where we were able to see the last place finishers for the race.  

That was a heart melting moment because you knew that even though it took those people 8 hours+ to complete the race, they did everything they could to get to the end.  One woman walked with her cane the entire way and then bent over to kiss the finish line.

I then saw two biggest loser contestants from Season 10!  Elizabeth and Brendan!  They were both from the area!  Cecilia got a pic with us and Brendan, but unfortunately I have nothing to document that I actually saw them!

Then, in every New Englander's awe and jealousy, we saw THE Tedy Bruschi run in with the last contestant!  She was raising money for his charity and he made sure to cross the finish line with her!  It was an amazing and emotional experience!

I want to give a big shout out to my coaches Becca and Scott, for being such inspirations.  I also want to give my congrats to my soccer teammate, Sam, who killed it with a finishing time of 3:25, and Andrew, one of our San Diego Team in Training running partners out of Southie for completing!

I cannot explain how amazing it was to see people I know and admire finish so strongly in the race.  I was also excited to see Ryan Hall beat the American Men's record.  I just want to get out there and kill it myself.  To experience the highs and the lows, and to know I did it myself.  I did this, I'm doing this, and I hope to make not only you, but myself proud!  I can't wait for my own marathon experiences in June!!!

Anyone else have any inspirational stories to share?  What keeps you motivated?

What a difference a day makes.

I feel like I'm finally starting to come out of my funk that I've been in for the last 3 months, but definitely peaked (or slumped) during the last three weeks.  After that 12 mile run, I didn't really refuel properly and decided that yesterday was the last day I was going to ignore the healthy living lifestyle change that I really enjoyed making.  Regardless, my last meal consisted of a turkey burger with fries, and after an hour or two of March Madness cheering... a plate of mozzarella and chili nachos.  I never made it to CHURCH, gahhh how sad, because Olivia's brother let her know that the show sold out!!! before we even had a chance to walk over there.  Awesome for Coyote Kolb but sad for us haha.  Instead, I just extended my stay at Whiskey Priest (ABG was too crowded) until I had enough of the scene and made my way home.

 

I woke up this morning ready to tackle the day.  I started by letting myself sleep in (every sunday I sleep in, because its the only day of the week that I really get to).  I just laid on the couch and watched an episode of Teen Mom while eating a bowl of bran flakes, almond milk, chia seeds, pecans, cranberries, and a banana.  It was glorious.

I got up to clean for a bit and started getting myself together to run 4 miles.  I decided that after having read my coach's email, which alerted us to the fact that there are 2.5 months left to the marathon, that I needed to start getting back to not only sticking to the training schedule, but to also really enjoy all this running.  Its not every day people decide to run for a marathon and I want to make myself proud!  This has nothing to do with how I look to anyone else, or boasting to my future dates about how I'm awesome and blah blah blah. This has to do with me, and only me, and I want to love this moment and really enjoy it for what it is.

I put on my new Calvin Klein mesh running shirt (that I bought for 14 dollars at TJMAXX) and geared up to go.

After charging my Ipod and Garmin, I decided that I was going to try a different route on my 4 mile run.  I chose to run down A street to the water, ran past Baby snake's boyfriend's apartment and the Fort Point area, back through Congress and L street, and onto East and West Broadway.  It was a beautiful day and I really felt a spring in my step, whereas for the last 3 weeks I've needed to stop about every quarter mile to rest.  

I didn't care what my splits looked like, I was just happy to get out there on a beautiful day and enjoy the fact that I am training for a flippin marathon!  I wound up running the four miles in 34 minutes, 6 seconds and just to let you know what my pacing looked like, even though I really didn't care....I will show you.

Mile 1- 8:49 pace

Mile 2- 8:34 pace

Mile 3- 8:14 pace

Mile 4- 8:28 pace

I would have to admit that's pretty solid.  I was hoping the picture below showed my sweat a little, but whatever. 

And yes, I run with makeup and always will.   I love it.  I hear a lot of people question why I wear makeup when I'm camping, or running, or hiking, or getting my outdoor bad self on...and here is why:

I feel like I look better in makeup.  In fact, I know I do.  Because of this, it makes me feel beautiful and confident.  I'm ok that its unconventional, and that a lot of women chose not to wear makeup. However, I know that I have made it a personal choice to wear it, and I hope that you can all accept me for who I am.  I won't make a big deal out of it, if you don't. 

I've done a lot of work the last few months trying to really figure out where a lot of my motivation comes from, and I realize that I need to make more of it intrinsic, as compared to extrinsic.  In layman's terms, that means I need to start doing more for me and less about doing things because of the way I might look to other people.  I think I've learned over the last few months, maybe even the last year, that I don't need to promote that I'm awesome to the world; that if I can know it for myself, the world will respond and recognize it without having me to shove it in its face.  I think that's an amazing thing because its taken a long long long time to come to that realization.  

Also, on a happy and weird sidebar.  I'm listening to my Ray Lamontagne radio station on Pandora and Rob Pattinson came on?!?! As in Rob Pattinson from the Twilight series?  He's actually pretty good and its weirding me out.  I'm listening to the song "Never Think".  I have not once watched a moment of those movies, but I know who he is, and its funny to think that people can have multiple talents.  Well, I mean duh...look at me.... OOoops, I didn't mean to shove it in your face that I'm awesome. Muahahah

Sick and tired of being

Sick and tired.  Somebody turn the lights on...somebody tell... OK enough singing.  Kids, I have been so sick this week and because I am a glutton for punishment, I still force myself to go to work because of the deadlines that hang out there.  It hasn't been helpful because my training is the one that suffers.  I have only been able to get my body to do one workout since Sunday....and now its thursday.  I ran with my middle school training group on wednesday and participated in a pacer activity and 15 minute run, but I was wayyy winded, so I decided that the elliptical would have to do.

Tonight I'm going to Brookline High School to listen to a presentation on how the mind heals the body. WOAH, exactly what I need!  I will definitely come back with a recap.  Here is the event info:
"On this evening, we will take a closer look at the mind/body phenomenon, explore the possible relationship between daily stress, emotions, and chronic illness, and discover how we can use our mind to heal our body."

This is exactly what I've been going through this year and it needs to stop.  Seriously!  I am queen of optimism and good times; I never let some tough times get me down.  However, my stress levels are significantly impacting my work and home life productivity.  Seriously, its not ok.

I'm ready to go from this....

 

to this:  

Here are the steps I think I'm going to take until I start to feel more energetic.

1.  Its time to start prioritizing my life and maybe make some cuts to my social calendar.  I'm pretty sure I've overbooked myself in all areas of my life.

2. Censored by Gomomgo.  It had to do with making sure you limit your alcohol consumption.  Good thing I'm almost 28.

3. Get enough sleep.  I haven't been sleeping that well since like the beginning of january, I want to start really getting into a night time routine that ensures a good nights rest.

4. Continue my healthy eating/running lifestyle.  I summed it up all in that statement.

5. Manage stress levels at work. I'm pretty sure I've vented in almost every post about how the year is going for me.  I basically dread waking up every morning.

6. Think about going to see Dr. Slavsky.    I just want to see if she has any recommendations or just make sure nothing is medically uncool, yo.  I don't mind doctors whatsoever, but, boy....my doctor really just, doesn't hold back.  She's as blunt as a blunt object. Yea...I might also start thinking about going to see a therapist, to kind of keep myself in check. I won't apologize for making that decision.  I'm a school psychologist, I'm going to promote counseling.  Sorry. 

7. Continue to listen to my body.  I know myself really really well, and when my mind and body is off, its definitely off.  When I need to take a break exercising, I definitely do it because pushing myself to run sometimes stresses me out even more.  Chicken and egg kind of thing.  Ya heard?

Any other suggestions?

I did it!!!!!

  

 

That's right little birdies.  I did it.  You might be asking yourselves, what, lauren, did you in fact...do. Well, this week, I have really stayed on top of my training goals, even though it might not be the fastest week of my life.  Since friday, I have run every single day and still feel strong and injury free.  Friday, 4 miles.  Saturday, 10 miles.  Sunday 3 miles (before the southie st. patty's day festivities), and now Monday, 5.5 miles (at the gym.  It snowed, first day of spring.  I couldn't bear going outside.  Oh man, its that question of bear or bare again.  Bear. Its bear.)  So what if every mile I had to stop and reset my brain.  Because I know its not my body that needs help, its my brain.  So, what did Lauren do to get out of her funk....or at least to stay in the moment and be mindful of her funk...let's review, shall we?

1.) Get back on top of your eating habits.  Below is my typical long run breakfast: toast with strawberry organic cream cheese with real strawberries, almonds, cranberries, and a banana.  Let us not forget my big glass of water and think fondly of the gummy bears I consume post run every week.

2.) Listen to really good music.  Right now my pandora can't get enough of the Adele radio station I created.  It plays hits from Adele, Ray Lamontagne, and Etta James.  BE still my beating heart!

3.) Enjoy yourself when life presents itself in fun and lasting memories.  AKA, the parade day in Southie.  Good treats, thanks to my friends Lindsey and Anya (Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes, as well as peanut butter rice krispie treats!!!!).

 

After the food and before the parade, a Southie tradition of high fiving your friends on their lawns and roofdecks was certainly in order.  Here, we have me, my love Jeffy, and Olivia my bestie. 

 

Next, we have my two favorite ladies, Megan and Kristy.  Both SUPER athletic super heroins. Kristy runs marathons like it ain't no thang and Megan is a gymrat that could kick your butt at boxing and yoga, AT THE SAME TIME.  Oh, and please don't mind my rogue staph infection aka cut on my hand.  It mysteriously showed up at the end of a school day, with no pain involved.  I have no idea where it came from. 

4.) Last but not least, when you are in a funk...write yourself a love letter.  Send it to people if you need to.  I did...and I know everything. So, in my love letter, I promised that I was going to be more mindful of the moments I am in.  I promise to be appreciative of where I am in life, even if its been a little trying at times, and that I am exactly where I am meant to be.  I also need to make sure I don't always run myself ragged to say that I'm awesome and that I can do everything, because.... I found out the other day that I'm human? or something...so I have the same limitations as everyone else.    

I also promised to start loving me for me.  I mean, I repeatedly tell people I'm awesome, but, I'm not sure if I believe it half the time.  I told myself I'm going to repeat a daily mantra and that I am to love the me I am through thick and thin.  Marathon or no marathon, Boston or no Boston, Blonde hair or no...blon...de..ha..aghh.  Yes I'm me blonde hair or no blonde hair.  I am always me.  I also promised myself that I deserve healthy relationships with everyone in my life. 

Aren't you excited to be experiencing all of this with me?  I told you it would be the ups and downs of training for a marathon.  Like, listen to this...

I was on the phone today with GomomGo and she was like, I'm worried that after this marathon, you will be right back to where you started...that you'll have to set some other goal that you feel like you need to accomplish, in order to feel like you are living your life.

Um, goMoMgo.  Why did you make my brain think so hard?  But, she has a point.  I know I signed up for the marathon to be like, BAM, I just ran a marathon.  However, I had to reassure her that while pushing myself to the extreme in athleticism, I have also discovered some wonderful things along the way.  Maybe I do thrive on proving to people that I can accomplish anything I set out to do, and that she has a point that sometimes and somehow I just need to learn to be happy with my everyday life.  Yet in the process of all of this learning and doing, I've discovered that I am a strong and beautiful girl, who enjoys going for a run and enjoys focusing her life on healthy living instead of living for saturday nights.  Maybe I will need to readjust myself at the end of all of this, but for the time being, I'm going to live in the moment of where I am, and appreciate every second of it.  Like, how I get to eat more carbs.