Tuesday, January 18, 2011

lauren and the terrible horrible no good very bad day.

It scares me how well I know and understand people. Today was no exception....well actually last friday was no exception. I am very aware of how people work and how their needs, their wants, and their expectations fuel their behavior. I understand that people will continue to do what doesn't work for them, continue to remain in a negative cycle, until they've had it. There comes a point where you say "enough". I understand this so well, and yet I can't do anything but be there for the people I love until they scream "enough". I know this with friends, with relationships, and with my family.

I see things that happen to people about five minutes before they do. I know it when meeting them, I understand them by a few simple conversations; what makes them work. I know it even when I've had these relationship with a person for years. I see minor changes that no one else would notice, but makes all the difference in the world. I know there is nothing I can do to change it, all I can do is understand it, and offer support. Thus, why today was the terrible horrible no good very bad day. I've never had to experience the feelings I felt today, firsthand, as a participant in it, instead of being the psychologist that everyone looks to for answers. However, I do have the most incredible friends that anyone could ask for; they stick with me through thick and thin, through the best and worst moments. I also want to give props to my family, for pulling together when we got thrown for a loop.

I wasn't going to run, even though I had planned on doing so. Then I remembered the words from my good friend (and old college roommate) Tara, who has completed the NYC Marathon. She said to me, ‘If I planned on backing off every time running got difficult, I would hang up my shoes and take up knitting’, a quote by marathoner Desiree Davila. Now, I'm not really sure if I would take up knitting (I can't even think of an activity I would replace my sports with...), but I know that if I'm going to make running a lifestyle, and not just a hobby, then I need to continue on regardless of the circumstances.

I wound up going to golds because it was raining, and banged out 4 miles in 35:07...even with a really tight shin and ankle that made me stop several times to stretch. Even if it was a really slow run that I wasn't that impressed by. Even if my brain was going a mile a minute. But I did it anyway. So for that I am proud, even if it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I think its a sushi for dinner kind of night.

"When you move like a jellyfish, rhythm is nothing. You go with the flow, you don't stop." -Jack Johnson

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